"The Merit of originality is not novelty; it is sincerity"

I have been looking for someone to pour my untranslatable thoughts in, someone neutral, that would just listen, without trying to advise me.

Nevertheless, I can always write something here. I was being torn between how nice would it be if write down everything going on in my head and having no time, being in a hurry, missing busses, catching sunsets, working, celebrating my birthday, thinking and planning, running around the city and having low storage space (again?!). 

It's my first completely free weekend, so here I am, on the sunniest day of the year (so far), putting everything together alongside Angela Petrovska's photos (that were taken on a cold and windy February day in Skopje and even though you can't see it, I was freezing).

This post will consist of some of the things I have had on my mind. In all the hurry, I had a thought in my head - who am I and how I am showing that? Read it, as you are reading a page of my diary (that I actually don't write. On that note, maybe I should consider starting one).

"The Merit of originality is not novelty; it is sincerity" 

This actually got me thinking, of all the overused subjects that someone already wrote about. Fast fashion, trends, trying to stand out... Khm, don't get me wrong, I am aware of the consumer society we are living in, buying things I don't need from Zara, H&M, and Mango is not a new thing to me and I see nothing wrong with that. But trends come and go, hairstyles change and some of us are still sorry for that ombre hair that everybody had back in 2013.

& who actually are we when trends change after a season? Are we building a new identity after every new collection in Zara? 

I believe that through fashion we show the world who we are and who we'd like to be. But, finding yourself in a world where everything is constantly changing can be challenging.

As for myself, I never really knew what I want, but I always had an idea about what I don't. Since I was a little girl, I was afraid of being mediocre. I hated the thought that someone would not distinguish me from the crowd (and I am not just talking by physical appearance). Sharing your beliefs with the mass is a really nice thing, but what happens when you lose your own point of view? What happens when you just blend in? 

An identity is not made overnight, we are building it constantly, with the things we surround ourselves with, the music we listen to (if you know me, you know that I am rarely walking around with earphones), the places we spend our time in, the people that are close to us, the small things we enjoy, how we drink our coffee... Want it or not, they all have an impact on who we are. 

On that thought, how am I showing the world my real self? Am I just presenting one pretty photo a day online of the person I want to be, or is that a real representation of who I am? Am I living all the nice latte arts, the sunny days and the tulips, or is it just because it looks nice on my feed? Am I enjoying the same aesthetics, even when I put my phone down?  

But then I remembered I don't need to prove my identity to anyone, you can clearly see it through everything I do in my free time and how my eyes spark when I am talking about all the things that inspire me. I am showing who I am with the way I look and the things I wear, from the rings on my fingers (6 rings to be exact, that I am wearing every day) and all the vintage clothes inherited from my mother and grandmother, to my dark hair that I hope it's not going to change with the season (like it did in 2013, let's just pray that those hair trends won't make a comeback and even if they do, I won't be influenced by the pretty pictures on Pinterest, as I was back then). 

So yeah, my point was, sincerity is the merit of originality. Be original and everything is going to be okay.